Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
