we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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