Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
