so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
