That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
