hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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