I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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