Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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