Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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