mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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