how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
