You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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