i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
