OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
