i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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