she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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