i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
