can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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