I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
