he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
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