Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
