just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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