Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
