it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
