I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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