I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
