I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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