just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
