So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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