i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
