You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
