I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
