nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My dick has a subreddit
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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