I am puke
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
