so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
a search helicopter?!
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
