I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
