I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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