just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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