I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
