My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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