i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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