holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
