My Higher Power is John Stamos
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
