dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
