You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She tied me up with her honor cords...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Randomize
