I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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