RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
