he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
