so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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