I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
