I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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