I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
