I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
