I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
