If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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