people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
