My first STD was from a foam party
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
